Locker Room Secrets
by extraordinaire
Summary: SasuSaku AU ONESHOT Dialogue CRACK. "Sasuke has a diary?" "It's not a diary!" "Right, sorry, I meant to say Poetry Book." "Poetry?" "I don't freaking write poetry!" What is said in the boy's locker room stays in the boy's locker room. Well, not for long.


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

**Locker Room Secrets**

_Written by xBrokenxDreamsx_

_**Sakura**_. Sasuke. _Naruto_. **Kiba**. Random Person Who Says Odd Things.  
_**-Sakura's Thoughts-**_ (_Action_) _"Excerpt from Sasuke's Journal"_

_**Ew, what is that smell?**_

_**Stupid Ino. I hate you Ino. I officially hate you. **_

_Wow guys! Great game! _

**Yeah, that was freakin' awesome! **

_And all thanks to our wonderful captain, Sasuke! _

_**Huh?**_

Did you guys hear something?

_Nah. You're just going crazy since you're so freakin' excited about us winning the championship!_

_**-Hot guy! Hot guy alert! Must stay and watch in all his smexy glory as his skin is glistening and a shirt is not covering it! Must stay for a few minutes and watch! Ino shall understand. Ish.- **_

(_Girly Squeal_)

Seriously, I think I hear something.

_Nah, that was probably Neji finding a gray hair or something stupid like that._

**Yeah, good one Naruto.**

_I know! I'm just so freakin' funny._

Hn.

_So, Kiba, who are you taking to the prom?_

**Well, last year to our junior one, I took Karin, but she's a total bitch. I think I might take Ino. Maybe. **

_Yeah, Ino's cool I guess. _

**Who are you taking?**  
_  
I'd ask Sakura, but she's already taken._

_**-What?- **_

What?

**Really? Who's the lucky bastard that snagged such a beauty?**

Yeah, who?

_Why are you asking teme? You should already know!_

Huh?

**I don't get it.**

_Okay, it's so obvious that teme has the biggest crush EVER on Sakura!_

What!

**What!**

What!

_**-What!-**_

_Teme, don't deny it. If your secret glances and longings aren't enough evidence, you told me like two years ago when the whole thing started. Remember, it was a cold, winter day. You were a sophomore and you were walking outside when you saw her there, standing and shivering. You go and offer your coat, but you and she have been fighting for years now since, well, I forget, but you get it. They hate each other, and she doesn't accept the coat. _

You better shut it.

_And that's when you realize how much love her because it's so awesome when she's mad and you love when she yells at you. You tease her because you love her so much and you want to hold her, and cuddle her and whisper sweet nothings in her ears and–_

Do you know what shut it means?

**Wow, who knew that Sasuke would ever like a girl?**

_I know! I always assumed he was gay and had a total man crush on me! It was freaky and all, but then he told me and it was such a weight off of my shoulder._

You thought I had a crush. On you.

_Yeah!_

Why?

**Well, all those years with Orochimaru trying to get you and your rather girly looking face. Plus, you reject all these girls.**

_Except Sakura! He loves Sakura! Right teme?_

Hn.

_**-Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.-**_

**Are you sure Naruto? It seems rather unbelievable. **

_Fine! I have solid proof!_

Where did you get that?

_Oh this? You mean your diary?_

**Sasuke Uchiha has a diary?**

It's not a diary!

_I'm sorry. A Poetry Book._

**He writes poetry?**

No I don't!

_Not just any poetry! But poetry about Sakura!_

Read it! Read it!

_Alright. This is was dated last night._

I swear, give that back right now!

"_Her eyes shine light that is so luminous it lights up the midnight black sky. Her pink hair, so fine and cheery, was once the color of my heart, before the lack of my hopes and dreams crushed it and led me into a black abyss of hatred and disgust. She brings me out of my darkness and into a pink abyss of love and happiness. She is the east and I am the sun!" _

Wow, that was deep man.

**What the hell is a pink abyss?**

Die. All of you. Die.

**Dude, just tell her that you like her. I'm sure she likes you back. **

_Probably not though. They fight constantly. Although, I was talking to Ino the other day..._

_**-Ino, you back stabbing bitch!-**_

What did she say?

_Hah! You're so interested teme! You love her so much!_

Whatever. What did she say?

_Well, she mentioned that Sakura didn't have a date for the dance and neither did you like, five times. I think she was trying to hint something. Maybe. _

Just ask her!

**What's the worst that could happen?**

She could hate me forever.

_And if she doesn't, then you can fulfill all those fantasies you have in your dreams when you scream out her name over and over again._

**Do you watch him sleep?**

_Nah. He sleeps over my house sometimes or vice versa and he'll say out her name a lot. Oh, and when he's asleep and I'm at his house, I sneak into his Sakura Sanctuary. _

**Sakura Sanctuary?**

_Yeah. He's got a closet full of pictures and stuff that reminds him of her. Heck, he even has the paper ball she threw at him once when she was mad._

_**-Jeez! What a freakin' stalker! Although, I kinda do the same. Whatever!-**_

No I don't.

_Then what is this?_

Seriously, how do you keep getting all this stuff?

**Yeah. First the book. Now this.**

_It's all part of my proof that they dig each other! Go ask her out right now! _

(_Creek_)

Seriously, I hear something. I'm not imagining it.

(_Creek_)

**It sounds like its coming from the ceiling. Let's go check it out.**

(_Creek_)

_Teme. Stand up on the bench and see what's up._

_**-Crap. Time to go.-**_

(_Crack_)

_Sakura-chan? What are you doing here?_

_**Ow.**_

**Are you okay?**

_Wait, what the hell are you doing in the vents?_

_**Um, well.**_

What? Answer already.

_**Well, Ino had a final and I was going to cheat and help her so I went through the vents.**_

How long where you here?

_**I-I'm not sure.**_

What did you hear?

_**N-N-Nothing.**_

_Teme! You're going to hurt her._

**Dude, stop pushing her against the wall.**

How long?

_**I-I don't k-know.**_

_Stop giving her a freakin' heart attack._

Just go.

_Teme, you can't throw a girl on the ground like that!_

**Great, now she's running away.**

_Chase after her!_

No.

**You know that she'll never give you a chance now, right?**

_Go Teme! Go!_

Hn.

Ugh.

Fine.

Yay!

Sakura! Wait!

_**Huh? W-What?**_

I-I, um, well, you see–

_**What is it Sas–**_

**Woah.**

_What the hell?_

**I guess Sasuke's always been a man of action.**

_He always gets the pretty girls!_

(_Groan_)

(_Moan_)

(_Groan_)

(_Moan_)

**Woah! Was that tongue?**

_My virgin eyes are burning!_

* * *

_**Wow…that was fun to write…**_


End file.
